Foreword

I’m not going to write too much here, that would spoil the fun.

I was born in 1966, and apart from my year at university, I’ve lived in the same small town in south Wales ever since. I used to work in the book trade but as of September 2009 I’m a full-time student again. I own my own house; I’m single; I’ve got no kids, no pets, no TV, no money to speak of…

This series of disconnected jottings isn’t intended to reveal any Great Truths about Life, The Universe and Everything. There are Great Writers who do that sort of thing on a regular basis. But I freely admit that I’m not exactly Mr Average, and I do tend to look at Life from a jaunty angle sometimes.

I also tend to get involved with interesting/eccentric/artistic/creative/odd people, and often find myself in situations which most people tend to pass by. (If I drop the odd name here and there, it’s not to show off – it’s just to illustrate the preceding point.)

Some of these entries are recycled from an earlier blog I had on MySpace, and where possible I’ve included the original date. Some are Extracts from my Uncollected Notebooks – these are a series of small pocket books written largely in coded hieroglyphics, which I’ve carried for many years. (My literary executor is under stern instruction to burn them all before reading.) However, occasionally one piece turns up which is worthy of preservation. Some are letters which I’ve sent to local newspapers over the years. Of these, about a third have been published. My complete scrapbook went missing some years ago. There’s a reward for its safe return.

I hope you enjoy these random (in the literal sense, not in the “teenspeak” sense) outpourings, and if you do, please leave a comment. Otherwise, I’m going to feel like Jack Trevor Story… (See I want to tell you a Story) And if you do find what I write to be to your tastes, why not try out my slice of Doctor Who/Torchwood fanfic, Pit Stop?

Steve O’Gorman

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CONTENTS

1 I STARTED SOMETHING I JUST COULDN’T FINISH
In which The Author contemplates the incompleteness of his life so far

2 ELTON DEAN – SORELY MISSED
In which The Author doesn’t see the finest sax player since Coltrane

3 SKIRTING THE ISSUE
In which The Author reveals his legs and inner thoughts

4 METAMORPHOSES
In which The Author fails to recognise an old friend

5 A LOAD OF CRAP
In which The Author examines the contents of his recycling bag

6 LEARNING DISABILITIES
In which The Author meets some children with “special needs”

7 A LETTER FROM THE EDITOR
In which The Author gets an email from an old friend

8 ADVICE TO THE LOVELORN
In which The Author reads a rather strange letter in a newspaper

9 LITE RACY RATS
In which The Author reads a worrying report in a newspaper

10 A MYSTERIOUS BOOK
In which The Author receives an unexpected delivery

11 MERE COINCIDENCES…?
In which The Author ponders the deep structure of the Universe

12 IT’S MUSIC, JIM – BUT NOT AS WE KNOW IT
In which The Author recalls a New Year holiday in Carmarthen

13 EXTRACT FROM THE UNCOLLECTED NOTEBOOKS 1
In which The Author wonders what he has to do to get some privacy

14 I WANT TO TELL YOU A STORY
In which The Author revisits the life and career of Jack Trevor Story

15 INCOMPLETE LIST OF GIGS
In which The Author realises he spent far too much time watching bands when he was younger

16 BLOODY WOMEN
In which The Author talks to one of a pair of twins

17 JUDGEMENT DAY
In which The Author experiences some technical difficulties

18 A LETTER TO THE EDITOR 1
In which The Author has a letter printed in the newspaper

19 A LETTER TO THE EDITOR 2
In which The Author doesn’t have a letter printed in the newspaper

20 A LETTER TO THE EDITOR 3
In which The Author writes the Letter of the Week in the local newspaper

21 GRANOTECHNOLOGY
In which The Author coins a new word for an old phenomenon

22 CAREERS ADVICE TO THE YOUNG
In which The Author offers some life lessons to the next generation

23 THE POWER OF SUGGESTION
In which The Author plays a joke on a friend

24 THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE
In which The Author is abducted by extraterrestrials

25 MAKING HAY WHILE THE SUN SHINES
In which The Author goes on tour

26 THE ONLY STRAIGHTS IN THE VILLAGE
In which The Author and his friends are victims of an unfortunate misunderstanding

27 THE FOLKS THAT LIVED ON THE HILL
In which The Author reminisces about his childhood home

28 APROPOS OF NOTHING…
In which The Author discovers an old song on YouTube

29 NEVER ARGUE WITH THE DESIGNATED DRIVER
In which The Author takes a bus journey

30 I WANT SOME “EXCITEMENT” IN MY LIFE
In which The Author goes in search of physical and mental stimulation

31 MORE ON THIS “EXCITING” SURVEY AT THE SURGERY
In which The Author has cause to question his life expectancy

32 “WHAT DO YOU WANT?” – “INFORMATION!”
In which The Author encounters a telephone “helpline”

33 WHAT’S IN A NAME?
In which The Author muses on changing fashions in childrens’ names

34 THE WRONG D. WALLACE
In which The Author buys a book

35 IT’S BEGINNING TO SOUND A LOT LIKE XMAS
In which The Author is mentally tortured contrary to International Law

36 THE GREAT MIGRATION
In which The Author indulges his sweet tooth

37 ANOTHER STRANGE COINCIDENCE
In which The Author has a weird dream

38 STRAIGHTFORWARD? PAH!
In which The Author attempts some DIY

39 MUSINGS ON THE LOSS OF AN OLD FRIEND AND THE MISPLACEMENT OF ANOTHER
In which The Author attends a funeral or three

40 IT’S GOING TO BE A VERY LONG MONTH
In which The Author demonstrates his proofreading skills

41 CHOCS AWAY!
In which The Author sends a Valentine card

42 THE GREAT VALLEYS SONGBOOK
In which The Author goes to see live music again

43 SCHOOL REUNION
In which The Author acquires some new PC software

44 INHIBITIONS AND EXHIBITIONS
In which The Author expounds a theory of mental illness

45 IT’S A HARD LIFE
In which The Author meets a young girl who’s read a book

46 A LETTER TO THE EDITOR 4
In which The Author bemoans the booking policy at his local cinema

47 GOING DOWN THE RIVER
In which The Author explores the upper stretch of the Vale of Neath

48 FROM A LAND DOWN UNDER
In which The Author finds his soulmate – and loses her again

49 THE BOYS’ VILLAGE PHOTOSHOOT
In which The Author is a model for the afternoon

50 ON A PERSONAL NOTE…
In which The Author finds the perfect song to sum up an abortive relationship

51 PICK’N'(RE)MIX
In which The Author casts an eye over contemporary youth culture

52 RESULTS DAY
In which The Author recalls failing exams

53 MONDAY, BLOODY MONDAY
In which The Author spends the day in the pub

54 SHAGGED OUT
In which The Author wonders what has happened to his libido

55 REASONS TO BE CHEERFUL (Part 4)
In which The Author justifies his decision to take the money and run

56 WHERE I GO IN MY DREAMS (Part 1)
In which The Author explores some of his interior landscape

57 DOWN AMONGST THE UBERMENSCHEN
In which The Author meets some BNP sympathisers

58 TIME AND TIDE
In which The Author witnesses a wonder of the natural world

59 A LETTER TO THE EDITOR 5
In which The Author makes a plea for a choice of television viewing

60 CSI ABERDARE
In which The Author has a sneaky preview of his Criminalistics practical

61 HIT AND MISS
In which The Author sees a particularly lovely pair of legs

62 FOOL’S MATE
In which The Author has to describe his ideal woman

63 FALLING OUT OF LOVE
In which The Author writes a eulogy

64 AUTUMN ALMANAC
In which The Author is decided seasonally affected

65 A LETTER TO THE EDITOR 6
In which The Author defends a local pub for local people

66 STRANGERS ON A TRAIN
In which The Author overhears a conversation

67 WHERE I GO IN MY DREAMS (Part 2)
In which The Author explores more of his interior landscape

68 A PAY-IN IN THE ARSE
In which The Author engages in battle with the machines yet again

69 ABSENT FRIENDS
In which The Author sees some old pals reunited

70  EDUCATION, EDUCATION, EDUCATION…
In which The Author has the six-week blues

71   FREAKS, GEEKS AND SPACE INVADERS
In which The Author is the fount of all knowledge and wisdom

72   IT’S BEGINNING TO LOOK A BIT LIKE XMAS
In which The Author sees an underwhelming set of festive decorations

73   SOCIAL DILEMMAS
In which The Author wonders about trusting people you deal with online

74   A MINOR MIRACLE
In which The Author has a date

75 EDUCATING NANCY
In which The Author fields a ringer in his Psychology seminar

76 WHERE I GO IN MY DREAMS (Part 3)
In which The Author goes dancing in his subconscious mind