In which The Author is glad the Spirits could do it all in one night
WARNING: Contains material that some readers might find offensive and/or disturbing
I’m not sure where this particular Meme originated, but it’s been circulating on some blogs I follow for a couple of months. The idea is fairly self-explanatory, but I thought I’d give it a go anyway. Of course, I’m not really going to take an entire month to do it. There’s little point in fact, as I’ve covered a lot of the ground previously. Instead, I’m going to tackle it all in one go. Fasten your seat belts, it’s going to be a bumpy night.
Day 1: Dom, sub, switch? What Parts of BDSM Interest You? Give us an interesting in-depth definition of what that means to you. Basically define your kinky self.
I’m single and straight. Let’s get that out of the way first. I’ve been single for well over a decade, and see very little prospect of a relationship in the future. I’m quite happy to switch, but definitely veer towards the Dom side of the scale (if the occasion should arise again.) I’m an occasional cross-dresser with a great many fetishes, and recently took the first step towards a full Gender Reassignment.
Day 2: List Your Kinks.
Blimey, that’s a big ask…
- Collars, handcuffs, ropes, chains, masks, gags, blindfolds, hoods, other bondage toys.
- Sensory deprivation, immobilisation, spanking (giving), tickling, play-fighting.
- Speech restriction; control of clothing, mealtimes and toilet routine; enforced chastity and orgasm restriction; discipline and strict etiquette. Basically, I’d like a Lifestyle relationship with a submissive woman.
Day 3: How Did You Discover You Were Kinky?
I didn’t so much ‘discover’ it as much as knowing it all along. Like the great theorems of mathematics, it just needed a bit of effort on my part to prove something which was fairly obvious.
Day 4: Any early experiences that, in retrospect, hint at your kinks?
As a young teenager I used to enjoy watching Wonder Woman and Charlie’s Angels. They featured beautiful women with long dark hair and poloneck sweaters, which made a very strong imprint on my Fourth Circuit. There was usually a decent chance that one of them would get tied up at some stage in the episode. It might have all started there. (Although I do remember feeling oddly thrilled when I was quite a bit younger. Daphne from Scooby Doo was tied to a chair and gagged …)
Day 5: What was your first kinky sexual experience? If you haven’t had one yet, talk about what you hope to have happen.
Day 6: Describe your weirdest/most interesting sexual fantasy.
In terms of ‘interesting’, I’d like to take my sub out for a day while she’s wearing full Saudi Arabian clothing. Her face would be concealed by a niqab (she’d be gagged, of course), and her hands would be bound under an abaya/jilbab/khimar. Underneath she’d be completely naked, wearing a butt plug and duo balls held in place by a piece of rope tied around her waist. Her ankles would also be bound, so that she could only take small steps. After several hours I’d take her back home and chain her up, denying her any opportunity to finish herself off.
As for ‘weird’: Co-codamol has a lot to answer for. Martha, Amy, River Song and Oswin/Clara from Doctor Who would almost certainly be involved, judging from last night’s dream extravaganza.
Day 7: What’s your favourite toy?
My Weeping Angel action figure. Oh, sorry, you meant a sex toy. I haven’t got one. There’s no point wasting space on the shelves. Mind you, a vibrating Sonic Screwdriver could work wonders on the right sub.
Day 8: Post a kinky image you find erotic.
Day 9: Post a kink related song or music video you enjoy.
I can’t think of one. I’m a big music fan, but I don’t have a TV so I don’t get to see music videos very often. I still remember being very impressed with Anton Corbijn’s video for Dr Mabuse by Propaganda, though. Claudia Brücken was gorgeous, and the whole video is mysterious and rather beautiful. Notice how the ‘hand through the mirror’ bit predates The Matrix by fifteen years or so.
Day 10: What are your hard limits?
I don’t do blood, knives, yellow/brown, or anything involving drugs.
Day 11: What are your views on the ethics of kink?
I’m not sure I understand the question. If I were a member of a jury, I’d probably have to ask the judge for clarification on this point. I’m interpreting it as best I can. Basically, if both parties are up for fun and nobody gets hurt, that’s cool by me.
Day 12: Tell us about a humorous BDSM/kink experience you’ve had. If you haven’t had one, talk about aspects of kink/BDSM you find funny.
Day 13: Explain as best you can what the appeal of kink/BDSM is to you? Why are you drawn to what you’re drawn to?
Day 14: How would you say real life BDSM/kink varies from fantasy BDSM/kink? If you haven’t experienced real life BDSM/kink how do you think it might differ?
In just about every regard. In the fantasy world you meet your perfect partner and get straight down to business. In the Real World you meet the one girl who’s made an impact on you for nearly a decade and end up getting treated like crap until you finally cut her loose (see New Year, New Start
). Bitter? Moi? Jamais!
Day 15: Post a BDSM/kink activity you’re curious about and would like to try.
Mummification with bandages and/or cling film. I’d also love to try a straitjacket. That might date back to an early comic book experience. (I think it was a Wonder Woman strip.) She was doing battle with a psychic adversary. He used his telekinetic ability to tear up the floorboards of the room they were in, and converted them into a wooden straitjacket in which our heroine was confined. Nice …
Day 16: What are the most difficult aspects of having a sexuality that involves kink or BDSM for you personally?
Finding a partner. Full stop.
Day 17: What misconception about kinky people would you most like to clear up?
‘Kinky’ is not a synonym for ‘paedophile’ and/or ‘child molester’ (because some people might not be able to read the first word).
Day 18: Any kinky/BDSM pet peeves? If so, what are they?
Women who look the part and talk the talk, but who simply can’t walk the walk. It’s not a fashion statement, ladies. Rihanna isn’t really into it!
Day 19: Any Unexpected Ways Kink Has Improved Your Life? If So, What Are They?
I’ve made some good friends along the way. Sometimes wearing a collar is more than just a fashion statement. As I always tell people, ‘If you need to ask what it signifies, you don’t need to know. If you do know, let’s get straight down to kissing.’
Day 20: Talk about something within kink/BDSM that you’re curious about/don’t understand.
Adult babies. That’s just bizarre by any means. That’s all.
Day 21: Favourite BDSM related book (fiction or non-fiction.)
I had a copy of Sensual Magic by Pat Califia years ago. I’ve no idea where it is now, or who borrowed it. I hate it when that happens. I find most BDSM fiction to be fairly mundane at best, and plain embarrassing at worst. Some of the Nexus authors have come up with nice ideas, but on the whole Co-codamol is far more inspirational.
Day 22: What do you think is important in keeping a BDSM relationship healthy? How does it differ from a vanilla relationship?
You’re asking the wrong person. I haven’t been able to sustain either for very long. I refer the Honourable Gentleman to Sigmund Freud’s famous rhetorical question, ‘What does a woman want?’ He couldn’t crack it. I’ve got no fucking chance!
Day 23: Since you first developed an interest in kink, have your interests/perspectives changed? How so?
I think my own tastes tend more towards the dominant end of the continuum than they did previously. Oddly, I seem to be somewhat less
open about the situation than I was twenty years ago. Maybe because it’s more ‘in your face’ than it ever was, the novelty value has worn off to some extent. See Zigzagging Down Memory Lane
Day 24: What qualities do you look for in a partner?
Day 25: How open are you about your kinks?
Extremely open. I shouldn’t think there’s a single one of my friends who finds it a mystery, to be honest. Even when I make a light-hearted reference to ‘putting a woman over my knee, at least ninety per cent of people know I’m serious.
Day 26: What’s your opinion on online BDSM play?
I’ve never done it, so I don’t have an opinion.
Day 27: Do your non-kink interests ever find their way into your kinky activities? If so, how?
Only if the aforementioned Doctor’s companions turned up.
Day 28: How do you dress for kink/BDSM play? What significance does your attire have to you?
If I was to assume the dominant role, I’d probably wear a mask and very little else. If I decided to switch sides, I’d definitely wear a collar and probably a hood, again with very little else. The fine details would depend on Her, of course.
I wear a collar pretty much constantly, as I mentioned earlier. Some people might think it’s just a fashion accessory. Little do they know …
Day 29: Do you have a BDSM title (eg mistress, master, slut, pig, whore, Sir)? What is your opinion of these titles in general?
I suppose ideally I’d get my sub to call me ‘Master’. However, the Master is a psychopathic Time Lord who gets constantly involved with the Doctor, so it’s got negative connotations for me. ‘Doctor’ would do nicely in fact, or ‘Sir’ when we’re out in public. (Always assuming my sub was allowed to speak at all, of course.)
Day 30: Whatever BDSM/kink related thing you want to write about.
See entries passim.