A Blast From the Past

In which The Author’s friend finds a new girlfriend

I was scrolling through Facebook about an hour ago when a face from my past appeared on my News Feed: Jenny.
My long-term readers will remember that this particular crazy bint (one of a long line of crazy bints!) strung me along throughout much of 2009. She played mind games with me for ages, blowing hot and cold for no reason. I wasn’t even allowed to change my relationship status on Facebook, because Jenny ‘wanted to take things slowly.’ I got stood up dozens of times, usually with the flimsiest of excuses. We eventually went out ‘properly’ four times between the end of March and the middle of December. Have a look back through my blog for the second half of 2009, where the whole sorry saga is preserved for posterity.
I told everyone that four dates in nine months was little short of retrograde motion. I finally got fed up of her nonsense over the New Year break. I couldn’t even be arsed to do what Kelly from Sterophonics did when he sacked Simon C., his guitar tech, and send her a text to give her the elbow. Instead, I wrote New Year, New Start instead, knowing that she read this very blog. I didn’t know (or care) whether she continued to look in after that, to be perfectly honest.
Jenny vanished off the Aberdare scene for a long time. I did see her once in town, during the daytime, when we were on opposite sides of the road. I was with another female friend, and maybe she thought I’d moved on. Hannah W. told me that she’d moved to West Wales, which made for a nice comfortable barrier. It reduced my chances of seeing her around town to virtually zero – and that suited me just fine! She did pop up in the ‘People You May Know’ box once, but I decided I could ignore Facebook’s useful suggestion – as I do with most of them, to be honest (see Not Born Beautiful).
Apart from that, I haven’t thought about her (much) for a while. Every so often I found myself wondering how things might have panned out for us in a parallel universe; then again, there are countless googolplexes of parallel universes where things might have gone differently for me. However, I think I might have fucked my own luck this week.
I’ve been working systematically through my blog from Day One, trying to introduce a consistent layout throughout. (Actually, I’ve been working through it from Day Minus Something, since some of the early entries were recycled from my old MySpace blog.) Needless to say, I found myself in the summer of 2009 this morning, and of course Jenny’s name crops up several times. Maybe, like Satan and Beetlejuice, you just need to mention the name three times and she appears from nowhere. Or, maybe by deciding to wear a padlocked collar before I left the house this morning, I’ve somehow created a ripple in the psychic network that resonated with Jenny.
Because that’s exactly who turned on Facebook today.
A friend of mine changed his Facebook relationship status this afternoon – and there are no prizes for guessing who his new significant other is…
As soon as I saw it, I sent his sister a message. My mate hasn’t had an easy time over the last couple of years. While it’s nice that he’s found himself a girlfriend, I can’t see this new romance as being especially good for his state of mind. I thought it was only fair to raise the subject with his sister, as he’ll probably turn to her if (when?) the situation goes supine. Oddly enough, the last time I wore this collar was when I had coffee with his sister last time she was in Aberdare. All four of us have our predilections for collars. Call it mere coincidence (again!)
I could be misreading the whole thing badly, of course. It’s possible that in the intervening period she’s sorted her head out. Part of me hopes that things work out for them. Part of me feels a little bit envious, naturally. But in the back of my mind I can still remember how she fucked with my head for nine months, before I finally bit the bullet and gave her the virtual heave-ho.
For his sake, I’d like it if it works out. If it doesn’t, and if she fucks with his head in the same way as she fucked with mine, I really hope I can resist the urge to say, ‘I told you so.’
And, just to be on the safe side, I’ve taken the precaution of blocking Jenny on Facebook. My mate and I don’t correspond regularly, but we do appear on each other’s News Feeds, and I thought it would be a sensible move. After all, I don’t want to give her any opportunity to contact me, for any reason at all. She had plenty of chances to do that, and threw them back in my face. In the wise words of The Who, I won’t get fooled again.

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