Bat Flattery

In which The Author is up against time

Blogging after a few pints is always challenging. When you’ve come out without the mains cable, that adds an extra edge to the whole situation. Hence the title…
I’ve spent the last hour or so planning my attack on Aberdare Jokecentre tomorrow.

Pause for breath while armed police descend on Aberdare Spoons

Actually, that was never going to happen. I remember being in the Carpenters Arms on a Thursday night with my usual gang of friends, when a well-known Aberdare lunatic walked in with a loaded crossbow and asked to speak to the guvnor. We were sitting by the window, and as soon as he was for’ard of us, we legged it to the phone box and I dialled 999. I took quite some time for South Wales’ finest to respond, by which time that particular lunatic had been disarmed by an even crazier specimen of lowlife.
At the time, Aberdare still had a police station that was open 24/7, and a fair number of bodies on patrol. Now, the nearest response will have to come from Merthyr, nearly ten miles away. That’s why I think I’m pretty safe to type this here and now.
My mate Wayne B. was as good as his word yesterday. As a result, I’ve now got a digital recorder to take to the meeting tomorrow. I’m half-expecting the office manager to be ‘unavailable’ when I call in. That’s no hassle for me. I can go to the Library, work on one or the other of my Projects, and call back later.
However, if it’s not sorted out in a reasonable time, I won’t leave the building until I’ve spoken to the head honcho in person. If that means that the police have to remove me from the premises, than that’s fine. I’ve got some useful contacts on my phone, and some more useful contacts in my address book. The Jobcentre also has free wifi, so I can email Martin Shipton, the chief reporter of the Western Mail and South Wales Echo without even unchaining myself from the radiator. What’s not to like?
I’ve got the name of the South Wales area manager for DWP, too. He’ll get an email, as will Ann Clwyd, whose constituency office is on the top floor of the Crown Building, directly above the Jobcentre. (Don’t ask me where I got that first bit of information – it’s strictly Need To Know.)
If (as I suspect) the whole thing is just a traditional Jobcentre fuckup, and they try to blame it on a ‘computer error’, I’ve got just the thing for them.
It’s this lovely quote from Ada, Countess Lovelace, who worked with Charles Babbage on the world’s first computer, back in the Nineteenth Century. Over 150 years ago, she knew the limitations of the system. As far as I know, she’s yet to be proved wrong…
The Analytical Engine has no pretensions whatever to originate anything. It can do whatever we know how to order it to perform. It can follow analysis; but it has no power of anticipating any analytical relations or truths. Its province is to assist us in making available what we are already acquainted with.
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2 thoughts on “Bat Flattery”

    1. That was one of the first things I ever learned about computers, Jase. Except that, being in a kids’ book, it was ‘Garbage In, Garbage Out.’ Same principle, though… 🙂

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